Black Gold; Red and White

We managed to sneak in a little family time again tonight.  I can't express how comforting that is to me.  This ritual.  The time with all my kiddos gathered round, simply being together.  It was not long tonight, but at least we did it.

It was getting late.  The littles were wild; engaging in mighty sword fights with the foam swords Grandma and Grandpa brought them at Christmas. 

Inge had her princess dresses on over her blanket sleeper.  This is an every night thing.  She lives in the dresses all day, trading from one to another, or layering them in different orders as the day goes on.  But after jammy time every night, one or another, or several, go on over her jammies.

The bigger kids were having a bit of commotion over getting dishes done.  Everyone did manage to be in the living room before the motivational timer beeped, however.  But by then the littles had their swords out (again), and had to put them away (again), which (again) took several minutes. 

Finally we were ready.  We try to do an 8:00 bedtime, but when I asked for the time as we were getting started, the reply came that it was already 7:52.  Sigh.  I really, really wanted to have read aloud. 

"Matt, grab Black Gold and see how many pages are in the coming chapter."  Some of the chapters have been pretty short and even the ones that are more than a couple of pages seem to go quickly.  So I thought I'd still consider reading awhile in spite of the late hour.

"Seven," Matt replied.

"Hmmm, well, let's just read for a few minutes and we'll see how far we get."

I picked up my crochet.  Joe had his guitar in hand, which he strummed quietly.  Inge and Donna drew pictures in a notebook.  Elsie worked a puzzle of some sort in her new puzzle book.  I think Clara, Sophie, John and Stella were simply listening.  Which is perfect, since they are the ideal age to which Marguerite Henry seems to write. 

Oh, wait, Sophie was rubbing lotion into her skin.  She battles chronic eczema during the winter months and is currently engaged in all-out warfare with a raging flare up.  I had helped her with the cortisone while the older kids did supper chores; and she was doing the Eucerine layer herself during read aloud.

It seemed only moments before Matt finished reading the chapter.

Clara then read us Psalm 123, and the Magnificat from Luke 1; and Elsie finished up our devotion readings with Hannah's song, from I Samuel 2.  We had family prayers. And scooted everyone off to bed.  Not by 8:00, but before 8:30, which is well worth the few minutes' lateness.  After our quiet time, everyone was calm and probably more likely to sleep than had they gone straight to devotion and bed.

Well, not quite everyone went to bed directly.  Elsie and Clara asked whether they could play a quick game of checkers, and I said yes.  Then after Clara went to bed, Elsie asked if I'd play her.  I was not inclined to have to think that much at this time of night, so she asked Joe.  They played three games.  It was all together fulfilling to see them playing quietly together.  A definite happy pill.

It reminded me of On the Shores of Silver Lake.

     One stormy day Pa brought a wide, square board in by the stove, and with his pencil he marked it off in small squares inside a plain border.
     "Whatever are you making, Pa?" Laura asked, and he answered, "Wait and see."
     He heated the tip of the poker red-hot in the stove, and carefully he burned black every alternate little square.
     "Curiosity killed a cat, Pa," Laura said.
     "You look pretty healthy," said Pa.  Tantalizing, he sat there whittling until he had made twenty-four small squares of wood.  Half of them he laid on the hot stove, turning them until they were burned black all over.
     Then he ranged all these pieces in the squares on the board, and set the board on his knees.
     "Now, Laura!" he said.
     "Now what?" asked Laura.
     "These are checkers, and this is a checker board.  Pull up your chair, and I'll show you how to play checkers."
     She learned so well that before that storm ended she had beaten Pa in one game.  But after that, they did not play so immoderately.  Ma did not care to play, nor Carrie, so after one game, Pa always put the board away.
     "Checkers is a selfish game," he said, "for only two can play it.  Bring me the fiddle, Flutterbudget."

It was the worst of times,...NO, it was the best of times...

I'm taking a break from the rush and rumble of getting ready to pack up and leave with a family of the size of ours.  There are ten of us leaving tomorrow, allegedly right after church.  Our actual departure time remains to be seen.

At times like this, I'm not usually very pleasant to be around.  Generally, in the days preceding the RUSH, I get kind of overwhelmed feeling and start to fizzle out.  I do next to nothing, because it's all a little bit too much for me; my brain freezes up.

Then at the last minute, I start to rush around, frantically throwing things together and hollering and screaming at my kids.  Not a pretty sight.  Then my husband gets frustrated, thinking the kids are deserving of the verbal abuse they are enduring, and he gets into the action.  Ooh, not a good scene.

Then I, who know deep down that the emotional mess is of my own creation, try to sooth things over and get us on the road.

And we always eventually get going somehow.

But really, truly, getting ready for a trip is for me one of the worst of times.

And why, I ask, when I can predict so precisely how things are going to play out, can I not do something to change this sorry state of affairs?  My prayer this time is that even when things get frantic, I refrain from the yelling and screaming.  I want to have a happy Christmas.

So far, so good.

Today, I got up and got moving in a timely fashion.  I made a chore list for the kids to tackle during the day, so that when we do eventually leave, the house is in a not-quite-so-messy state.  My main job for today was to tackle the infamous Mt. Washmore.  Da-da-da-daaaa.  (That was scary, evil organ music, that notorious phrase from Beethoven's Fifth, in case you can't tell.)

I also had several odds and ends to take care of, PLUS, sort out and wrap all the Christmas gifts, AND (since I have five girls with winter birthdays, two of whom are on Dec 27th), I generally buy for birthdays and Christmas all at once for those girls, and end up sorting and wrapping for those occasions, too.

So, I was a little bit busy today, but in keeping with my goal (no maternal ugliness) I tried to stay upbeat and happy all day, and gave myself little minutes to rest my brain in between things.  Like the minutes it's taking me to write this, for example.

Jeremy called me this morning when he got home from work; that was a treat.  We exchanged our Christmas greetings and miscellaneous pleasantries; and I arranged for us to drop off his gifts on our way out tomorrow.

I even took time to do my pilates.

I listened to 80s music on my MP3 player while I washed and folded laundry.

And yet, the clock marched on.  My goal was to have our family Christmas doings at 3:00 or 4:00 pm, but I was still folding clothes at 6:00.  Sigh.  But no ugliness.  I decided I'd have to leave a small portion of Mr. Washmore standing.

I forged ahead and decided on the minimalist approach to wrapping gifts. I gathered all the assorted bags and packages of clearance and second hand purchases I've accumulated throughout the year.  I summoned my husband to "join me in my chambers."  (That may sound a bit risqué to the uninitiated, but the phrase is used by Mrs. Moody in the Little Britches books by Ralph Moody.  Read them if you haven't.  They are wonderful books for all ages.)

Where was I?  Oh, yes, in my chambers.  Joe had just joined me. As I pulled each item out of the packages, his assigned task was to add it to the appropriate pile, youngest to oldest, lined up along the floor of our room.  Generally, we've tried to limit ourselves to one modest new or special gift per child, and we fill in with fun things that I pick up here and there.  So when it's time to finally wrap the Christmas gifts, there is a bit of play, moving some things from one pile to another, until I am satisfied the arrangement will be appreciated by all.  After Joe and I did the first tentative arrangement, I excused him from the process and finished manipulating the bounty by myself.  It's kind of a one person job. 

When I had all the piles arranged to my liking, I put into motion my emergency minimalist gift wrapping procedure.  A plastic bag for each child...tied shut at the top...labeled with permanent marker.  I loaded all the bags into a big box, and then threw a blanket over it all.   This sleigh of sorts, Joe and I then pulled and carried into the living room, and set next to the tree.  It wasn't fancy, but I reminded myself that all the trappings of the season, including pretty papers and trims, is not what really matters.

By the time we had everything ready, it was nearing 7:00pm.  The kids still needed bathed; we had not eaten supper; and the packing for tomorrow was not yet started.  But... NO MATERNAL UGLINESS... right?  Take a deep breath, Mary, and just enjoy the moment.

We gathered everyone in the living room.  I had Matt light the candles on the Advent wreath, and all the others around the living room.  We turned off all the lights in the house except a table lamp near Joe.  He read to us the Christmas story from both Matthew and Luke.  Then we turned off the lamp, and each of us got to choose a Christmas hymn to sing. 

It was the best of times.

When we were done with our Christmas worship, we started the part the kids were all waiting for.  We opened our oh-so-lovely presents.  I sat down by the erstwhile sleigh and, starting with the oldest working to the youngest, one at a time, I gave each person their plastic shopping bag. Each got to open his or her own, before we moved onto the next.  Anticipation built as we worked our way down to the youngest ones.

After the gifts from Joe and I were opened, the kids handed out all the treasures they had prepared for each other these last few weeks.  Colored pictures, puzzle pages ripped from a favorite activity book, candies saved from their treat bags at church, lip balm, lotion, a favorite book, a hand-me-down clothing item...I love to see how creative the kids get in giving to each other with our limited resources.  Probably one of our favorites was one Stella gave to Sophie.  She had used the pretty unused gift tag from one of her gifts.  She filled in her and Sophie's names in the to and from spots, and because it had such a pretty ribbon on it, she gave it as a Christmas tree ornament for Sophie.  Priceless!

It was the very BEST of times.

My Sophie gave me a singing card and a windowed locket containing within it a different colored gem symbolizing each of the fruits of the Spirit.  Clara gave me the painted turtle sculpture that she made in art class last year.  Joe plans to get me the 2012 Writer's Market guide.  And my friend, Christine, who makes beautiful jewelry, and from whom I got some pretty things for my oldest girls, sent along a little treasure for me also: a beautiful, sparkly bracelet that I am wearing as I write this.  It is winking provocatively at me.  I keep wondering what it is up to, with such a merry glimmer in its eye.

Jesus' birth, our heavenly Father's gift of His only Son, is the greatest gift of all.  But my mother's heart joyfully drank in my family's Christmas celebration.  Now I am refreshed to tackle the rest of the things on my list.

Well, I wish I was anyway.  I am filled with a warm glow of the love of God and my family.  But truth be told, I'm really pretty tired and kind of ready for bed already.

St. Paul, on Human Weakness; and Other Promises of God

II Corinthian 12:7-10

And lest I should be exalted above measure 

by the abundance of the revelations, 

a thorn in the flesh was given to me, 

a messenger of Satan to buffet me, 

lest I be exalted above measure. 

Concerning this thing I pleaded with the Lord three times 

that it might depart from me. 

And He said to me, 

“My grace is sufficient for you, 

for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” 

Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, 

that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 

Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, 

in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. 

For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Sometimes life in this world is hard.  Sometimes we are thrown the proverbial lemon. Sometimes we are thrown blessings that are certainly not lemons, but that still just plain involve much work and heartache.

In my life, this is exhibited most specifically in having been asked by God to raise a large family.  I am honored by His call to me to participate in this great act.  I am humbled by the responsibility.  And I am in constant awe that God chose such feeble participants as Joe and I, to train up this number of servants to His glory.

Ps. 46: 1-3
God is our refuge and strength,
A very present help in trouble.
Therefore we will not fear,
Even though the earth be removed,
And though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea;
Though its waters roar and be troubled,
Though the mountains shake with its swelling. 

Frankly, there are many times I feel overwhelmed.  There have been times I have not felt up to the task.

Lest I leave any confusion, I in no way consider any of my kids to be what St. Paul referred to as a thorn in the flesh.  But I do often feel as though my particular personality is not conducive to the raising of a large family.  Several aspects of my personality constitute major thorns in my flesh.

• I am distractible.  I can't keep track of who I've asked to do what job, and whether or not it's gotten done.  I often don't remember to start supper until it's too late to get it done well.  I forget clothes in the washer until they stink and have to be rewashed.  I consistently lose track of time.  Are these skills I could learn?  Could I do it better?  Probably.  How can someone forget that food needs time to cook, after all?  It seems like a no brainer.  And sometimes I do such things well for little spurts of time.  But I find it takes me too much energy to focus on such things. It's mentally exhausting for me and after such a organizational spurt, I tend to crash.  When I am on a roll with this sort of mental organization, I find that I neglect the kids.  The organization easily becomes the goal, and such a focus takes it's toll on the kids.  They tend to get into more and bigger mischief.  They engage in more whininess, clinginess, bullying, etc.

Romans 8:38

And we know that all things work together for good 

to those who love God,

to those who are the called according to His purpose.

• (this note, in the bold, was added 3/5/13.  I must have had something here in the past, but it's apparently gone.  I'll at least include the correct Scripture reference so that it does not appear that this is still part of Romans.  You'll have to add your own commentary based upon your particular worries at the moment.) 

 Matthew 5:25-31“Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, 

what you will eat or what you will drink; 

nor about your body, what you will put on. 

Is not life more than food 

and the body more than clothing?  

Look at the birds of the air, 

for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; 

yet your heavenly Father feeds them. 

Are you not of more value than they?  

Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature?

“So why do you worry about clothing? 

Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: 

they neither toil nor spin; 

and yet I say to you that even Solomon in all his glory 

was not arrayed like one of these. 

Now if God so clothes the grass of the field, 

which today is, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, 

will He not much more clothe you, 

O you of little faith? 

“Therefore do not worry, saying, 

‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’  

For after all these things the Gentiles seek. 

For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. 

But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, 

and all these things shall be added to you. 

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, 

for tomorrow will worry about its own things. 

Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.

• I am lazy.  Or perhaps I ought to say low energy.  I had a friend once reprimand me for calling myself lazy compared to other moms.  I was exhorted to think of myself as low energy.  She spoke of an individual's energy level as being a genetic character trait.  I don't know which is closer to the truth, lazy or low energy, but either way, it is certainly a reality that must be addressed.   If not the sin of sloth, low energy is still a result of sin in the world, and its results effect our life.

Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD,
thoughts of peace and not of evil,
to give you a future and a hope.

• I tend to sway between perfectionism and a lackadaisical attitude.  The old, "If I can't do it perfectly, why bother," thing is a constant challenge to the management of my household.  As one might imagine, with ten children, it's been quite a few years since I've been able to keep everything up perfectly.  So we've been in the, "Why bother," stage around here for longer than I care to admit.

Joshua 1:9

Have I not commanded you? 

Be strong and of good courage; 

do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, 

for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go.”

Even so, even with the seemingly glaring hurdles to the proper management of a household, God chose me to mother ten children.  How can this be?

My human wisdom says that this ought not to work.  And yet somehow, it always does.  I live in the peace of God's promises.

Jeremiah 17:7-8
Blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD,
And whose hope is the LORD.
For he shall be like a tree planted by the waters,
Which spreads out its roots by the river,
And will not fear when heat comes;
But its leaf will be green,
And will not be anxious in the year of drought,
Nor will cease from yielding fruit.

SAHMOSCA The Easy 12-Step Program for Stay at Home Moms of Small Children

By incorporating these easy steps into your daily routine, you too can improve your sense of accomplishment..

Do you ever feel like you don't get anything done?  Are there times you feel further behind at the end of the day than when it began?  Do your kids ever make a mess in one room while you are busy cleaning up the mess in another.

Shake off that futile feeing with this new and exciting "Cross off Your List" system.

• Step 1:  Get Up.  

This may seem like a freebie, but even this can seem difficult some days.

• Step 2:  Get Dressed.  

It may be tempting to stay in your jammies.  Then you won't ruin any of your nice clothes with spit-up, jam, or the black lipstick you have to clean up after your little one got into his big sister's room.  But you'll feel better dressed.  Just keep a supply of grubbies on hand to wear around the house

• Step 3:  Put your Jammies Away.  

Whether under your pillow, on a hook, or in the corner of the closet, have a place to keep your jammies when you're not wearing them.  Your clothes can go there at night, too, on the rare occasions they make it through the day without becoming soiled.

• Step 3:  Brush your Teeth and Hair.  

You'll feel better, smell better, and you will be less likely to serve your family loose hairs with their meals.

• Step 4:  Make Your Bed.  

You mom taught you this years ago, just do it.  If you're feeling especially generous, you can even make your husband's side.  :-)

• Step 5:  Throw a load of wash in.  
• Step 6:  Feed your kids breakfast.  
• Step 7:  Do breakfast dishes.  

Right away.  Just do it.  No e-mail or facebook until it's done.

• Step 8:  Throw another load of wash in.
• Step 9:  Read a story to your kids.
• Step 10:  Read another one.
• Step 11:  Just sit and watch your kids.  

Enjoy their personalities.  Note their small accomplishments.  Thank God for them.

• Step 12:  Look how much you've gotten done!  

Sit down with a cup of coffee and a good book or your favorite morning show.  Just remember to get up again in 15 minutes or a half hour tops.

Wow, I feel so much more accomplished just writing about it.  I've  got a few more steps to do this morning (I'm not going to tell you which ones) so I better get moving.

Top Five Pieces of Homeschool Advice and One More

I've been homeschooling for at least twelve years.  That figure is somewhat squishy depending upon at what age of preschool/kindergarten/first grade-ness one considers their child as starting school.  My oldest child is seventeen and a half, and a senior in highschool. Define it how you will.

Sometimes I have people ask me what it's like homeschooling; or how I do it with so many; or what advice I'd give new homeschoolers.  In public service, after a person has stepped down from active service, he or she is called an elder statesman/person.  His or her opinion is sought after and respected just by virtue of his or her past position.

Now I am only homeschooling one child (unless I am teaching four, there is that aforementioned pre-school squishiness).  I might consider myself an elder matron.  I'm no longer immersed in the homeschool world.  But merely by virtue of my past work in the field, regardless of the merits of my ideas, I am asked.

Well!  I've always given my opinion readily, but now I have some status, I guess.

Here is my list of top five pieces of homeschool advice.

1. Focus on the one thing needful.  Spiritually training our child(ren) is really our primary parental responsibility.  How does this work out in real life?  Each family will fulfill this differently.  But it must be fulfilled.  
2. This one is kind of a continuation of the previous point, but it is needs it's own number.  Take time to think about and write down your long, medium and short term goals. This will give you a rubric against which to measure your days.   And it will help you make time for the spiritual things even when it seems there is just no time.  It will give you justification to leave that load of laundry or that sink full of dishes or that football game or piano recital.  It will help you decide whether to include Latin or violin in your days and weeks.  All of the above are worthy things.  But only one is needful.  I've written in the past about time management (It has it's own indexed link, but this is my favorite).  When a couple decides to school their children at home, they are adding a large chunk of time to an already stressed parental and homemaking load.  Something has to give. Having written goals will help you decide what that will be.  Having long, medium and short term goals will give your goals perspective.
3. Don't compare yourself to other homeschooling families.  All kids are different; all families are different.  Temperaments are different, abilities are different.  Teaching styles, learning styles, home management styles, discipline styles...all different.  A husband's career may effect how things are done.  Does the mother work part of full time?  Are there two parents in the home?  Are the parents and kids motivated?  Curious?  Physical?  Active?  Thoughtful?  Quiet?  Loud?  Witty?  Each personality will result in different combinations of everything.  It's really easy to beat yourself up as a homeschool mom when other kids appear to be further ahead or better behaved or more athletic or more curious or more responsible or more of anything...Don't give into that temptation.  Your kids are great, unique persons.
4. All kids are smart; it's up to you as a homeschool parent to find the way to reach them; or to find their smartness. It may not be the same way for any two kids.  Be creative, be insightful. Watch. Listen.  But don't bind yourself to traditional pigeon holes.  They may not work for your child.  Each of us has a unique God-given personality and has been called to unique God-given vocation(s).  Sometimes that involves traditional paths; other times it does not.  Be content with and even rejoice in who you are, who your husband is, and who each of your children are.  Remember, God gave to you your particular child(ren) because you are the best one for them.
5. Trust in God and His promises and His guidance.  He will direct you along the paths you need to travel.   Don't fret about what curriculum is best or what teaching philosophy to follow or at what age to introduce which outside activities, etc.  It's OK to consider such things, to read about what others think, and to discuss things with those whose opinions you respect.  But don't cross the line into worry.  Sometimes it is easy to be fearful.  Since a homeschool parent is the primary person responsible for all aspects of a child's development there is a big temptation to take it all too seriously.  It's easy to wallow in worry.  It's easy to feel our responsibilities so heavily that we become paralyzed when confronted by life's many different choices.

And finally, one more.  It's not so much a homeschool tip, but a homeschool attitude caveat.  Something with which I've had to struggle recently.  We as homeschoolers can be a bit self righteous.  I don't mean this in a bad way, necessarily.  But it can easily cross the line into a bad self-righteousness.  We have chosen a lifestyle that involves huge sacrifices in order to give our children the very best homelife, education, and religious training we can.  It is such an obvious decision to us.  This is so very, very obviously the right choice.  Why doesn't everyone choose this?  Duh!

But we must guard against judging others.  God uses many different kinds of individuals and many different kind of families.  He has not given you your neighbor's or brother's or best friend's child to raise.  We need to let those people make their own best decision for their own families.

But here is the flip side of that.  The thing with which I've had to wrestle lately.  Don't bind yourself into a homeschool mentality.  Those of us who are called by God to school our children at home often see that as our primary vocation.  This is the lifestyle choice that defines our parenting philosophy.  But things change.  God may put additional jobs before us; one of our previous tasks may need to bump homeschooling out, temporarily or permanently.  Think of homeschooling as an option to fulfill the academic aspect of child rearing.  If any of the other aspects of child rearing are being neglected, that may be an indication that something needs to change.  That change may involve a different educational choice.  It doesn't have to be a permanent change.  But sometimes things do need to change.  It's easy to put homeschooling on such a pedestal that it becomes an idol.  If we trust that God is guiding us, we have to listen to His prompts.  Sometimes that involves doing things we may not have been able to imagine doing previously.

Ethics, Unsubstantiated

Once upon a time, a coworker and I were debating the possibility of a universal set of moral principles based, not on the Bible or any other religious tradition, but upon some reasoned idea of right and wrong, good and bad.

I said to this coworker that I didn't think it was possible to not base moral principles upon religious tradition.  He asserted that it should be possible to come up with some sort of universal right and wrong.

I was reminded of this conversation recently while reading The Careful Use of Compliments by Alexander McCall Smith.  Smith's protagonist, in the series of which this book is the fourth, is Isabel Dalhousie, a Scottish philosopher whose particular area of interest is ethics.  I'm not up on all the correct philosophical terminology, but if I had to put Ms. Dalhousie in a box with some title, I'd say she is a rational humanist.  She has no religion, per say and tends to think of herself as a-religious.  But in fact, her ability to reason is her religion.  She believes in it firmly and in her mind, every human situation has a consequence.  In order to be faithful to the precepts of her rational humanism, she must weigh the actions of every moment of her life on the basis of their ethical merits.  This leads me to wonder upon what one bases morality, when one has no foundation, nothing more substantial upon which to settle these matters than human wisdom.

This morning, while I was enjoying my morning cup of joe with a few chapters from The Careful Use of Compliments, I ran into the idea of guilt.  Guilt is a reality of human experience.  It's that law written in one's heart of which the Bible tells.  Both believers and unbelievers experience guilt.  It's also called having a conscience.

But, alas, a second reality of human experience is that our consciences are flawed because of the sin that pervades each of us.  And because of that we often feel guilt over things for which we are not responsible.

God has given each of us things for which we are responsible. In Lutheran theology, this is called vocation.  Most of us have several vocations, the obligations of which we must balance.  I am a wife, a mom, a homemaker, a home educator, a pastor's wife, a parishoner, the mom of some public school kids, a neighbor and friend, and a US citizen.  There are probably more titles I could find for myself.  Each of you readers of this blog has a unique set of vocations.

Isabel Dalhousie also has many vocations, although in her rational humanist world, I don't know whether she would call them vocations.  But mostly what she has is guilt.  She can never seem to figure out how to be nice and behave ethically toward everyone.  In this quote, she struggles with guilt even because of her annoyance over some biting midges.

     "Remember  drosophila from biology class?" Isabel said.  "The fruit fly?  They had two or three weeks, didn't they?  Two or three weeks to pack everything in.  I assume that the Highland midge has much the same.  Not much of a lifespan."
     "That doesn't make me feel sorry for them," said Lizzie.  "There are limits, you know."
     Isabel knew.  It was her biggest problem, after all:  how to draw limits to the extent of one's sympathy.  In the past, she had become involved in all sorts of difficulties by taking upon herself the problems of others; now she had resolved to be more practical about that, and was trying not to get involved in matters that she had no moral obligation to do anything about.  She was trying.

Of course, Isabel can't really not get involved.  First of all it wouldn't make much of story if the heroine didn't stumble upon a mystery in each installment.  But besides that, Isabel is always carrying on an internal dialog over what her moral imperative is in any given situation.   She has nothing but her own reason upon which to base her decisions.  And her reason often directs her toward multiple conflicting behaviors.

Each of my vocations carries its own set of responsibilities.  I cannot accomplish any of these tasks perfectly. I might be tempted to feel guilty if I can't do everything.  I think that "Supermom" might be a good word for the idea of doing everything and doing it really well.  But I am very definitely NOT a supermom.  I must prioritize.  If I keep in mind the Christian precepts of loving God above all things and loving my neighbor as myself, this helps me prioritize.  God has further specified that His married children must be a helper for their spouses, and those with children must train their children in God's law and the message of grace through Jesus Christ. These always must remain my highest priority.

My other vocations must fit around the edges of those top priorities.  Sometimes my interest is more or less toward one or another of these auxiliary vocations.  But when I am faithful to the first priorities, I need feel no guilt about the extent to which I am able to accomplish the other tasks I might attempt to fulfill.  Any pangs of conscience on that score are self-imposed.

And even when I don't fulfill perfectly the top priorities, I can trust to God's grace and Jesus' perfect life for me.  God has given me that.  He has credited to my name the perfect life of Christ.  What a relief!  What blessing!  What joy!

Yes, Kathy, You Did Tell Me So

When I saw my sister. Kathy, last summer, her going-into-ninth-grade daughter had just gotten her own cell phone. My sister is not one for whom every latest gadget is a necessity. She is very back to basic. And a good money manager who would not waste her money on novelties.

At the time, I somewhat self-righteously, derided the idea of kids having cell phones. She chided me that once I have kids in various school related activities I may come to sing a different tune.

Woe is me. I have to put the old metaphorical tail between my legs and grovel before Kathy's infinite big-sisterly wisdom. I hope she's gentle with me.

I sent my kids to school today with our cell phone. I am sooooo sick of wasting time sitting out in front of the Oklee school waiting for the track bus to return from practice in Red Lake Falls. It often must wait for the baseball team and may or may not have to pick up the golf team and then has to drop half the kids off in Plummer before arriving in Oklee somewhere around the middle of the night. OK, I am exaggerating just a tad. Joe's told me a million times not to do that.

But yes, I decided to give in to modern conveniences and send the dumb thing with them.

BUT, much to Louisa's chagrin, the phone came ridden with the traditional Mary and Joe rules. No texting. No calling anyone but mom and dad. No giving out the phone number. No incoming calls from friends.  This is only to call home to work out transportation.  It is a tool not a toy.  Any use other than the prescribed one better be a true emergency.  And so on.

So Kathy, you were right. I only wish I would have given in sooner.

On the bright side of things, I did get a whole lot of reading done. Had I known earlier the number of minutes I'd spend sitting, waiting in the car, I would have started crocheting an afghan or something. I could have made probably a hundred by now.

Comings and Goings and Returnings and Disposings

From the preface to The Master of Ballantrae, by Robert Louis Stevenson

Although an old, consistent exile, the editor of the following pages revisits now and again the city of which he exults to be a native; and there are few things more strange, more painful, or more salutary, than such revisitations. Outside, in foreign spots, he comes by surprise and awakens more attention than he had expected; in his own city, the relation is reversed, and he stands amazed to be so little recollected. Elsewhere he is refreshed to see attractive faces, to remark possible friends; there he scouts the long streets, with a pang at heart, for the faces and friends that are no more. Elsewhere he is delighted with the presence of what is new, there tormented by the absence of what is old. Elsewhere he is content to be his present self; there he is smitten with an equal regret for what he once was and for what he once hoped to be.

I like Stevenson's description of returning to old places.

I probably won't finish reading this particular volume. We picked it up used, only later noticing that it is very mildewed (smelling, not visually marred). It is strange that we would purchase this copy. Generally, being quite savvy at the art of buying used books, we smell everything we buy. It's part of our routine. Is the binding firm? Is the glue cracked? Are the pages crumbling? How does it smell?

Imagine with me. You find a long sought book at a garage sale or used book store or your local ARC thrift store. You nab it up and take it home where its sits on your shelf, in a lonely fashion, until the time is ripe for you to read it. You think about this book. Depending upon the title, you may think about it only periodically or you may carry around a dim thought of this book nearly constantly. It calls to you. Until finally. You have a corner of time designated as your own with which to spend tucked up in an afghan with a cup of your favorite warm beverage. You pick up the longed for book. Open the pages. And are hit with an olfactory assault. Stale smoke. Mildew. Strong perfume. Or even the lingering body odor of some former reader. It might be one of many displeasing aromas or a combination of several. Spending one-on-one time with this book will not be a pleasure. The disappointment. The sadness.

And then must come the decision.

Do you spray each page with diluted bleach? Do you pull out the Lysol? Do you set the volume in the summer sun and let the breezes randomly turn pages while the sun and fresh air do their thing? Or do you simply chuck it? I hate to throw away books. I really hate it. I feel the privilege of owning books. I think of Abe Lincoln walking miles to borrow a book from John Pritcher. What a travesty to have to throw one away.

But alas, we live in an opulent society. One in which it is more convenient to dispose of things quickly than to recondition them. In the name of responsible time management, I am afraid for this volume. I suspect it will go the way of the dumpster.

Priorities and Time Management

I wrote this in the comment section of another blog I read. Since I ended up spending kind of a substantial amount of time writing it, I'm posting it here, too. Since it was in response to a question about time management, I thought it was fitting to use it twice.

Although I'm no "model student" when it comes to time management, I do have opinions on the subject. I have a large family, each with individual needs; and I need to balance these with my own desires and interests on a constant basis.

The most important aspect of time management is choice. Our lives today are filled with many things. Many, many things. Too many things. But each of us holds innate priorities as part of who we are. The challenge comes in making choices that accord with those priorities.

It is helpful to spend some time clarifying these things. Write down your life priorities in order of import. Then write down your short, medium and long term goals. Keep these lists in a handy corner of your mind. Pull them out throughout your days and weeks as needed. Constantly re-evaluate whether any given activity helps to fulfill the written priorities and goals

Each of us makes hundreds of choices each day without even realizing it. And we often get bogged down by things that, were we to think about it, are not aligned with our priorities. But if a person has clarified what is important and then has spelled out how his or her life goals fit those priorities, it is easier to eliminate those things that are extraneous. There will still be disappointment involved in letting go of some things. But the disappointment will be felt less if one can see how a given decision fits into a life plan.

Sometimes our life goals are too big for one lifetime. But again, when we have a set of priorities upon which to measure our goals, we can choose which of our many callings will appropriately fill the one lifetime we are given.

For instance, my priorities go something like this: God, family, friends in need, personal hobbies, social life.

My long term goals might be: be faithful, loving and giving to my spouse; raise children who hold to my Christian faith, have the skills needed to provide for themselves and their children, and are responsible citizens; keep reading and learning; maintain my well-being; pursue for myself various "to-do-before-I-die" things.

My medium goals would be along the lines of: homeschool my kids as long as I'm able, run an efficient home, live simply.

Daily goals are more mundane: make sure everyone has healthful meals and snacks, constantly evaluate our supply of hand-me-downs and second hand purchases to make sure each child has what they need, do some laundry, monitor the children's assigned chores, spend some time in the classroom helping the children as needed with their assignments, take some time for myself to exercise and write a little.

Each individual day will also include its unique goals: bigger, more sporadic household chores; piano or other music or dance lessons; sports activities; errands; fields trips and outings.

Be as detailed as suits your personality. I like to cross things out, so I even include things like brushing my teeth and making my bed. Other people feel bogged down with so many details and just write down the bigger stuff.

How do all these lists fit in with time management? First off, at a glance, I can see whether I've scheduled too much for a day. This is a definite skill that must be learned. Each of us operates at our own pace and energy level, and this seems to change with the days and seasons of our lives.

But on the bigger time management picture, if a child requests a certain privilege, when an opportunity arises that I'm really interested in for myself or one of my children, if a friend needs help, or whatever, I can refer back to my priorities and goals and determine whether or not to take on that "one more thing." I have an established rubric within which to measure all the various family activities in order to effectively manage my hours and days.

And (this is really important for me, because I have a tendency to beat myself up) for those times when it feels as though I've gotten NOTHING done, I can pull out my mental list of goals and priorities. I may not have accomplished any of my short term goals. But I can see that those moments spent comforting a child grieving over a broken toy, helping the children work out a disagreement, taking a meal to an elderly friend, stealing a few minutes (or even an entire day) for myself, or just plain being with my children and doing nothing, are important parts of the long term plan. As long as those long term goals are being worked toward, the time is not wasted, even when the day went differently than I might have planned.