A Moment of Evening Pause after a Full Day's Work

I'm going to start with the pause and then brag about my day.  Really just exalt over it a bit with my readers.  But first, the pause.

I didn't turn on my A/C today since the day was not as hot and humid as it has been and I thought we could live without it.  And our nights have been blissfully cool, so we start each day with a nice cool and fresh house.  But it did get hot in the house tonight after the supper cooking was done.  So when it was time for our evening devotion we gathered all the kids to the front porch.  It was a lovely night for it.  Dusk was just beginning to fall. The evening air was cool after the hot day, with just a slight breeze.  The hayfield in front of our house was cut today, so there was a hint of the fragrance of new-mown hay all about.

Matt, Inge and I sat on the wicker loveseat, Joe sat on one of the chairs with Stella behind him, since she had been rubbing his neck and shoulders.  Elsie sat in the opposite chair with Donna behind her, since Donna wanted to braid Elsie's pretty hair.  Clara and Sophie were on the top step.  Jeremy was standing in the remaining corner of the porch.  Louisa is at work, so that was the one mar on an otherwise perfect moment.  I looked at my family and felt such joy and thanksgiving over what God has given Joe and I.  What a privilege to be asked to raise this bunch of children to His glory.  It's humbling really, because we fail every day.  But then we repent and bask in the purity of Jesus blood and righteousness.  And trust in His promises of grace to our children.  Their names are written in heaven. 

For devotion tonight, we prayed the Lord's Prayer, and our two bedtime prayers.  We sang "Children of the Heavenly Father" and "I am Jesus Little Lamb."  I would have loved to stay out there longer, and sing hymns for another 1/2 hour or more with my family.  But Matt gets up early for work, and works hard all day.  I knew he was getting tired.  I had also made a commitment earlier today to get the little ones to bed on time.  So we left off after those few hymns and got the littles tucked in.  The bigs and middles all went their more independent ways.

And that was the end of our pause.  But it was a great way to finish off a day. 

I couldn't help but remember the time our good friends, the Thompsons, spent the night at our house.  If I remember correctly we had some sort of circuit doings at our church on a Sunday, and then on Monday the monthly pastor's meeting was scheduled.  So Jenna and Dave and their family had a sleepover at the Abrahamsons.  We put up a couple of tents where the kids slept, and had a campfire complete with smores, I think.  After it got dark, we sat around the fire visiting.  Then we finished off the evening with a big family devotion time and sang hymns for quite awhile.  It is wonderful to have friends who build us up in God's Word and with whom we can share such moments.  Happy memories, indeed.

And you know, I think we did the same thing when we visited them for our spring mini-vacation when they lived at the Schwan Center in Northwest Wisconsin.  It makes me happy to think about the shared values and habits each family has and that we bring along when we come together.

And for my moment of boasting about my day, I will just say this.  Yesterday was a pitiable day, but today was great.  I finally braved the murky wastelands of my younger girls' bedroom.  It's not done.  It may not be for several days, since I have lots of re-organizing to do.  But I have the floor space clean.  I have the toys in the bins and the books on the shelves.  I have all the trash hauled out and the dirty laundry down the chute. 

I have all the "doodads" sorted.  This is the collection of items I find each time I clean that I have to sort.  The little things.  Usually about the equivalent of several gallons of such doodads.  Things like screws and nails and hairbands and tools and silverware and puzzle pieces, games pieces, and playing cards, dice and dishes and clothespins and twist ties and rulers, pens, pencils, and crayons. 

I also have a largish pile of clean laundry from the various bins of stored clothing that have gotten dug through and otherwise spilled throughout the last several months of neglect.  But that is one of the projects for the next several days.  Now that I have the laundry mess from downstairs cleaned up, I can proceed to reorganize all the dressers and packed away bins upstairs.  It's time to weed out and get rid of many, many things. 

It feels good to be rolling again.  I remember several months ago, when I was trying so hard to get moving.  I had planned my little 28 day challenge.  It didn't go so well.  This old rock of my life was so firmly fixed in the inertia of imovability that I just couldn't get anything going.  I think at the time I compared it maybe becoming a little bit loose in the earth, or by the end of the 28 days, just starting to shift.  But it's rolling now, and gaining speed with each passing week.  It is a wonderful feeling after having been stuck in the mire for so long.

Thank you, God!

Weight Loss Ticker Success!

This is not nearly so richly descriptive a post as my previous one, but very fun to write, none the less!  I've finished my first weight loss ticker.  I started it with my 28-day challenge way back when. 
I had high hopes of getting those first 11 lbs off quickly, hopefully even during the 28 days of my challenge. 

Obviously things did not happen that way.  It's been a few more than 28 days.  Just over double that, in fact.  But those pounds did come off fairly quickly and fairly easily.  It's exciting.  Especially these last few weeks when I really suspected I may have put a few back on, since I was not watching very carefully at all what I was eating.  But each those weeks, as I stepped on the scale with fear and trepidation, the numbers were smaller again.

I will start a new ticker sometime in the next few weeks, but for now I'm just going to enjoy this one.  I like to see that little flower all the way past the sunshine at the end, and to read those words below it, "11 lbs lost. 0 lbs to go."

28 Day challenge summary

I am done with my 28 day challenge.   I removed my ticker for counting down the days, and left the weight loss one up.  It is still serving its purpose.

In summary, I lost five pounds instead of the eleven for which I had set my goal.  It's a little disappointing.  But I'm still happy about those five.  Very, very happy.

I didn't accomplish any of my big goals.  Not a one.  But I am feeling better all the time and have more energy.  Most days are a little bit better than the one before.  The daily view is baby steps.  But when I look back at each week of my challenge, each one is substantially better than the one before. 




Although I didn't finish any outside chores, I did so some work out there, so I guess that is at least part of one of my big goals that I got done.

I hope to continue my mental and emotional improvement, and maybe in a few weeks, I'll set another set of goals.  I'm busy right now with a confirmation celebration to prepare for my Elsie this coming weekend, and several graduation celebrations to attend in the coming weeks.  The kids will be done with school soon.  So there will be lots of busyness and transition.  That particular combination, for me, is kind of a recipe for disaster.   

So no big goals right now.   Stability will be enough to handle.

I will continue the Monday morning weigh-ins with my walking buddies, so I will keep that ticker active to keep me accountable.

22 Day Check-In

Day 22 of theMom's 28 day challenge.  I don't have much to report.  Getting no big things done, but continuing to baby step with little improvements in energy and attitude.

I had a very busy week last week, with various appointments and obligations for kids.  That took up hoards of time, and disrupted the home life schedule, which then does two things.  It makes it harder to get the basics done, but it also zaps my energy.  The disruption, that is, wears me out.  So I consider it a great accomplishment that I kept up with the basics and even showed some improvements.  I'm happy to have gotten through the week without "Ricky's mom blowing up".    That in itself is a feat. 

Not to mention the fact that we've been out of our B-complex vitamins of which I generally take 2 each day for sanity, increased energy, clarity of thought, and emotional stability.    Joe calls it my Vitamin Behave

I was supported throughout the week by actual and virtual* conversation with friends far and near, and that my friends, is a gift from God.  Don't ever doubt it or take it for granted.

I took a couple of extra walks this week, besides the regularly scheduled Monday, Wednesday, Friday ones with my neighbors.   Yesterday evening, I even jogged 1 mile of a three mile walk

Oh, and I lost another 2 1/2 pounds.  Yippee!

*  Does anyone else find it strange that these days "virtual" means exactly the opposite of virtual?

Turning into a Busy Day

I like to laze around a little on Saturday mornings.  The bigger kids don't have to rush off to school; and because of the quieter morning, the little ones sleep later, too.  But somehow, each week, the lazing around time passes all too quickly.  Soon, I find myself still sitting around, still being lazy, but with the Saturday chore list built up around me in a somewhat intimidating fashion.

Today I began my day with a nice warm cup of coffee and reading Article VIII of the Smalcald Articles, in study for a discussion I'm in the midst of on God's workings in our daily lives.  I hope to post about that eventually, once I get everything sorted out in my mind.  I also had a couple of internet conversations on the above topic first thing this morning. 

Later, just as I was about to get up and rolling, I was treated to a brief phone call, suggesting a skype conversation with one of my very bestest of friends.  This friend is fairly new to e-mail stuff and so even our frequent e-mail exchanges of late feel like a great gift.  But now we have conquered the skype thing.  This was our first time.  It was awesome!  Totally!  So wonderful to see her smiling face.

After that I sat down here to formulate some tentative plans for my day, but then one of my daughters came and sat down next to me, and we got distracted with a little bit of what my teens call facebook creeping.  This cultural phenomenon consists of doing a facebook search for someone you want to know more about, or show pictures of to another person, etc.  It feels a little bit like stalking, but I suppose it's no different than looking at pictures in a high school year book and sharing them with a friend.

When Elsie and I were finished with our "quality time" I realized that, once again, I am behind already this Saturday.  So what do I do?  I sit down and spend more time at the computer composing this blog post.

Today I hope to

• get three meals on the table
• catch up on all the various bits and pieces and piles of dirty dishes that are sitting around my kitchen
• finish Matt's preliminary Marine Corps paperwork (the part where they ask all the details of every person in our lives, to give to the FBI, so they can determine whether or not Matt or anyone in his circle of people is a threat to national security
• get Elsie's confirmation invitations in the mail
• orchestrate Saturday chores for everyone
• fold some laundry
• get three more laundry loads run through
• get all the little ones through the Saturday bath cycle
• take a walk or exercise in some way

That's the plan, Stan.  Wish me well.

Today's simple goals

switch a wash load
get dressed
brush teeth and hair
do dishes
switch was load
fold some laundry
switch a wash load
get lunch on
do lunch dishes...right away...
kids to quiet time
roast in the oven for supper
switch a wash load
work outside in the SUNSHINE for a spell
do some mending
get cleaned up for Clara's concert
supper on
dishes
concert
bed

28 Day Challenge: Half Way Done

Today marks the beginning of the second half of my 28 Day Challenge.  I am happy to report that I have lost two pounds!  Hurray! 

I have yet to get going on the ambition part of my goal, but I think I made progress last week. 

If I think of this challenge as moving a big rock, I had hoped to get the rock rolling the first week, and accomplish big things.  That did not happen. 

If  I keep the rock analogy in my head, though, and remember that sometimes a rock is so immovable that even just getting it rolling takes time and work, it makes more sense and helps me to be patient with myself. 

That's the kind of rock I am right now.  Big and firmly impacted.  The first week I had to loosen the rock.  This rock was really stuck and I had to push, and let it roll back; them push and let it roll back again, several times.  Looking back at the second week, I think I can say that the ball is finally moving.  Slowly, but moving forward.  I will try to increase the rate of roll a bit this week again.  I have many plans.  I must still try to be reasonable in my goals, though, and remember that the rock is still very heavy and still moving slowly.  

Keeping the rock moving is the important thing at this point, not the speed with which it rolls.

Baby Step to the Garden

I took a few baby steps toward getting things done today.  Really it is so sad that such small things have to excite me, but such is the state of things around here.  I washed my breakfast dishes before lunch and my lunch dishes right away after we ate.  That in and of itself is an accomplishment.

Then I went outside and did a bunch of yard work.  I cut back the winter kill from my climbing rose.  I cut the dead branches and tops off three baby trees, and tied up the remaining branches as needed.  

I cut down the three jostaberry bushes from the south end of the garden, and replanted eight of the suckers into the north end of what will eventually be a windbreak on the east edge of the property.  (Right now it is intermittent.  Each  year, as we plant a few more bushes, it gets a little bit longer.)  The jostaberry bushes had originally been planted in a triangle, but had grown together into a big mess.  When I headed out today, I planned to move one whole bush and replant it so that all three were in a row.  But when I started cutting them back to see what was what, I discovered suckers all over the place, and a thick gnarled mess of branches where the original bushes had been planted.  I decided I really didn't want anything that suckers so much in my garden after all.  And I knew I didn't want to try to dig up the original plants, either.  So I gathered about a dozen suckers and replanted them, two to a hole, in four holes.  By then I was tired out and threw the last four into the burn pile.  If they come, they come.   We have many more suckers; we can plant more later if we decide to.

Anyone want some jostaberry starts?  They are a cross between an black currant and a gooseberry.  No thorns.  I'm not really convinced of the benefits of growing them for the alleged fruit.  The bushes were overgrown so much we could only find a handful of berries each year.  We see lots of blooms, but just can't get to the berries. Or maybe the birds get to them before we do.  I don't know.  That's one reason I decided on the windbreak location.  At least there, even if we never get enough berries to use, the bushes will be good for something.  Let me know if you want some.

Now we need to pull what's left of the tangled mess of stump of the older bushes from the end of the garden.  It will take a four wheeler, garden tractor, or skid stir to do that.  We could probably do it with our van, or one of the cars, but I'm not sure about maneuvering any of them in the space over there.  Many little things planted in the vicinity.

Now I'm inside and just sitting.  I really had to force myself to keep going when I was outside.  I can't tell you how many times I looked at the house and thought longingly of my spider solitaire.  But I kept at my task and got something done.  I even carried all the scraps to the burn pile and put my tools away where they belong.  Alison B., you'd be pleased.

Tomorrow's another day. 

Oh, speaking of tomorrow, I have a friend coming tomorrow, so that's exciting.  I think I will haul a bunch of laundry up from the basement to fold while we visit.  You wouldn't mind would you, Becky, if I fold laundry in front of you?  I might actually get more done than when nobody is here, because I might feel guilty just sitting doing nothing when there is somebody here to see.  Isn't it weird how the brain and heart work?

If you haven't been outside yet, get out there for a little while.  It's wonderful, glorious, terrific, splendiferous, and all good things.

Rocking the Headache

This stupid headache just will not leave me!  I've heard of others who have chronic headache, so I oughtn't complain. I mean, there are some people who get even migraine level headaches and they don't leave for years.  So really, I have no business complaining.

But this is starting to tick me off.  We're on the forth day now with this stupid thing.  I even went to the chiropractor yesterday afternoon, he got everything to move well, I felt relief for a few hours and then it was right back again.  I can feel the tightness up in the back right side of my neck.  Right at thte very top.  And the headache pain is in the right side of my face and head.  When I push on the back of my neck, I can feel it in my face.  Depending upon where and how I push, it tingles, just plain hurts, or feels like it's going to explode.  We're on day four of nearly constant acetaminophen and ibuprofen. 

But I had a nice walk in the glorious sunshine and now I feel like moving.  So, I'm going to load up on the pain killers and try to ignore the nagging part of it that never quite goes away.

And I know this is a horribly boring thing to do, but...I have to. 

Today's list:
power nap
teeth and hair
dishes
collect jars for basement
wash load
plan lunch
plan supper
azure standard order
lunch in
wash load
start sorting basement mess
lunch
wash load
dishes
basement mess

28 day challenge check-in

Ugh, I did my little weigh in this morning and lost absolutely no weight.  None!  How crazy is that?  It makes me so mad I don't really want to think about it...

As far as the getting up and moving thing this week, I've been moving alright.  Hardly home at all.

And still with this stupid headache that started Sunday afternoon.  I stopped at the chiropractor today, so hopefully it goes away soon.  Went to bed early last night and I think I will tonight, too.

Tomorrow, I'll be up and rolling early.  Ready to face my day. 

I See the Mailbox and Ricky's Mom Blew Up, and other trying times

Many years ago, I read a little anecdote in Reader's Digest.  For lack of the original article right here in my hands, I'm going to call this story, "I See the Mailbox," and that may very well have been the original title.  Or it may have been something along the lines of, "Every Couple Needs a Mailbox."  Let me explain.  The author tells of a little tiff of sorts that she and her husband had. For the sake of brevity, we'll very creatively call the author, Wife; and her husband, we'll call simply, (yes, you guessed it, good job and give yourself a pat on the back), Husband.  In the anecdote, Husband was driving; more specifically, he was backing out of the driveway and appeared to Wife to be about to back into the mailbox.

Wife: The mailbox, Honey.
Husband: Yeah, I see it.
Wife, as they get closer to the mailbox: Watch out, you're going to hit the mailbox:
Husband: Yeah, I see the mailbox.
Wife: HUSBAND,YOU ARE GOING TO HIT THE MAILBOX!!!!
Husband:  I SEE THE MAILBOX, WIFE!!!

CRASH, no more mailbox.

We can all imagine those times.  Everyone experiences embarrassing situations like that.  We've all done stupid things, even after being warned by those around us. 

As the original article continued, the author explained that this incident, because it was so ridiculous, came to hold an iconic significance in their marriage.  Any time things were stressful, and one or another of them needed a bit of comic relief, one of them could say, "I see the mailbox," or some other turn of phrase related to the above incident.  It would bring a note of lightheartedness, or at least levity, into their current stressful situation or conversation. 

The author then tied up the article by explaining that every couple needs a Mailbox, as in some brief phrase or even a single word that will lend stressful times a touch of humor.

Do any of you remember the mid-eighties movie, Better Off Dead?  There are many one-liners from that movie that Joe and I enjoy.  One has become somewhat iconic for us in the same way a Mailbox did in the above story.  Remember when Ricky's mom drinks the concoction Lane was planning to use in one of his failed suicide attempts, and she blows herself up lighting a cigarette?  Lane says to Ricky, "Gee, I'm real sorry your Mom blew up, Ricky."

In Mary and Joe world, where Mary-the-mother-of-ten is occasionally slightly crazy, the blowing up is of course, merely metaphoric.  Any time theMom has an emotional outburst of whatever kind, ... anger, frustration, sadness, etc ... Joe or I can simply say, "Sorry your mom blew up, Ricky," and suddenly, the perspective changes.  The tension in the situation is removed and the original trigger can be more reasonably dealt with.

The last several days have been a struggle for me.

If you are a regular reader of this blog, you are probably aware that the last several months have been emotionally trying for me.  I recently decided to give myself a challenge in an attempt to hoist myself out of my slump.  The first week of my 28-Day Challenge did not go very well.  The diet part went mostly fine.  But my hopes of being freshly invigorated, and motivated with new zeal to get off my hinder and actually accomplish any of my scheduled goals and ever growing mountain of housework scored a big fat zero.

I have no desire to do anything.  My interest is gone.  My concentration is minimal.  My sense of responsibility has flown out the window.  So pretty much I spent yesterday feeling like a great big pile of garbage.  Plus (and perhaps this is too much information, but in the hopes that others reading this, who may attempt anything like my 28-day plan might benefit from my experience), I planned the whole 28-day thing poorly.  Really.  The first week, which is supposed to be this big get everything rolling, kind of rushing into inertia kind of week....well, let's just say I chose the wrong week to start.  Next week would a have been a much more emotionally steady, higher energy week for me.  Remember that ladies.  Consult your calendars before challenging yourself emotionally.

Last night, the metaphorical doodoo hit the metaphorical fan.  Joe came home from his office, probably tired out from his days' work, and I was a bit weepy.  I had been a bit weepy all afternoon.  (Remember, I was feeling like a big pile of garbage, right?  What pile of garbage wouldn't be weepy, I ask?)  So Joe came in and noticed that I was out of spirits.  But I'm going to tell you, he didn't know the half of it.  He kept making jokes and sharing little facebook funnies with me in the hopes I would perk up.  His efforts were so endearing.  You female readers will totally get this.  He was being so sweet and kind and loving, trying to cheer me up, that I just lost it.  I started sobbing and carrying on.  Blubbering.  Tears cascading down my face.

Well, poor Joe, He didn't know what he had done.  And of course, he hadn't really done anything.  I finally made him understand that it was just me, and all my baggage.  He wrapped his strong arms around me and just let me cry, which is probably what I've needed for a long time, but as happens in this life, I didn't know that's what I needed.  My kids came in one by one through this whole thing, probably traumatized for life becasue of the frightening experience of having to see their mom in such a wreck.

Eventually yesterday got done.  Isn't it a bit sad when we have to think of a day that way.  It got done.  I went to bed early.  Joe handled all the bedtimes stuff.  Thank you, Joe.

This morning I got up feeling fresh and new, ready to face the day.  Not in any big sort of way, but another new day and another new try.

Joe came in and visited a little bit after he got home from his Saturday church service.  We talked about yesterday's eruption, and how frustrated I am with this, ...  this, ...  this ... thing ... I have going on...this lack of energy, motivation, responsibility, even caring.  I apologized for letting things go like I have and he forgave me.  Forgiveness is a beautiful thing, isn't it.

By the time we were all talked out, all I could think to say was, "Sorry your mom blew up, Ricky."

Grrrrr.

I found this post in my blogger dashboard that I thought I had posted on Thursday.  It's old news.  But since I planned to keep my readers abreast of my 28-day challenge failures and successes, I'm goingn to post it anyway, as is.

So, I really need to get up and get to my chores.  I did a little blogging ( didn't finish anything, though, yet) and a little writing on some other writing projects I have going.  I got my kids breakfast and the school kids off for the day.  I corresponded with some school people about a variety of things.  Fielded phone calls from three of the kids who needed to check in with me for a variety of reasons.  I have to attend a school program for the youngest two this afternoon, rush home to get supper and then rush off again to Louisa's play in Oklee, and again miss Ladies' Aid because of school related stuff.  But it's my own fault really.  I knew there was Ladies' Aid this week and yet when I had to choose between the three nights the play was scheduled, I chose Thursday, forgetting until it was too late that I had a conflict.  So I have this guilt hanging over me that I am choosing school stuff over church stuff.  And it's casting a cloud upon my day.

In the interest of motivating me to get up and rolling on all these home things I have every hope and intention of doing and are so far batting a big zero today...I am confessing to you, my readers, my struggle de jour.  If it's public, than I have to fix it, right?
And by the way, I am not going to spend my usual twenty minutes to half hour proof reading this over and over.  So, if there are typos, I apologize in advance.

Mary's Modified Grapefruit Meal Plan, and Other Metabolic Musings

I am starting the dieting...STOP...and hold everything right there.  I know you've heard me say this before, or at least read it here...that I hate the word diet.  People get all emotionally distraught about their weight and try all these quick fix diets and they screw up their metabolisms and develop eating disorders.  All in the pursuit of thinness.

Let me say right now that I am not that kind of dieter, nor am I in favor of pursuing a certain weight or body shape.  But many of us Americans, myself included, can improve overall health with a healthier diet.

So what is a person to do and where is a person to go to discover that "healthier diet."  Right now the big thing is avoiding carbs and more specifically, avoiding wheat, and even more specifically avoiding gluten containing grains.  Many reasons are given for this.  They are as varied as the people who avoid such things.  

But throughout the years of my life, I've seen many, many switches and swings on what is considered healthful and what is considered unhealthful.  I try to prepare most of my things from scratch, rather than processed foods or ingredients.  I avoid lowfat alternatives, which are often less natural, and therefore less easily metabolized, than the natural fat versions of things.  I intentionally leave much of the fat on my meats.  I don't keep sweets around the house, or do much baking, unless it's something that can be used as part of a main meal.  For instance, I will make coffee cakes, or breakfast bread, as long as the sugar content is low enough so that it's not like we are eating dessert for breakfast. 

I do break my own rules when I need to.

I try in a probably very limited way to follow the traditional foods precepts espoused by Sally Fallon in her book, Nourishing Traditions.  I buy raw milk when we can.  We use cultured milk products like kefir, yogurt, and when I have enough milk homemade curdled milk and whey.  Since I don't bake much, and I use strange grains already, I haven't mastered the soaked grains part of baking.  But I do soak our cereal grains overnight.  And we dabble in countertop pickling methods, especially for saurkraut and kimchi, but other fresh vegetables, too, when we have them on hand.

But besides that, I don't do anything special to watch my weight.  I've never had to.  I've never been thin, but nor have I ever had any great concern about my weight.  I hold to the idea that if I'm eating reasonable portions of healthful foods, and maintaining a moderately active lifestyle, my body will find its own best weight and stick there.  Which, for the most part it has.  Until recently.   My body is all out of whack in the last several years. 

My youngest child is over three years old, and I weigh exactly what I did when I came home from the hospital.  Really.  Of course I've changed shape a little bit.  I've not changed sizes.  In fact, not counting my pregnancy hiatuses, I've worn roughly the same sized clothes since before I started having kids.  I've fluctuated between the same size and a half, or two sizes.  During probably the first ten years of my childbearing years, mostly staying on the smaller of the two, and during the last ten, closer to the larger of the two.  So, really, considering I've borne ten children, I don't think that's too terrible.  It's probably within the normal fluctuations of most women.  But...here's the big but...(or should I say, big butt?)...I've gained, I'm sad to way, 40 lbs in those same twenty years.  I don't know how it works that I can wear the same clothes with all that extra weight hanging around.  Really I cannot begin to imagine. It's one of my life's little mysteries that I find simply astounding.

But so it is.  And it's got to change.  Is it inconsistent to say, as I did earlier on, that as long as I'm eating healthfully and moderately, I ought not to care about my weight, and then suddenly, simply becasue it's going up, get freaked out over it?  Maybe a little bit.  But here's the thing...when woman reaches a certain age, many women gain body fat.  And I fear I"m reaching that age.   So perhaps I've not yet changed sizes, but if I don't try to adjust my portion sizes to compensate for a slower metabolism, my weight will cross the line to unhealthy.  I think perhaps I'm at the age where the definition of moderate eating needs to be redefined downward.

And I'm going to add just a little aside here.  As I said earlier, I've always been kind of big, I mean, not thin, or put another way, I have never been a lithe person.  So I had incorrectly assumed I had a slowish metabolism.  But I've come to see it in a different light in the last ten years or so.  And here's why.  I eat like a horse.  Really.  I have always had a huge appetite.  I can remember my mom telling me on numerous occasions when I was young, that if I kept it up I would be as big as a barn.  But I'm not.  Thankfully.  I know women who, when we get into a conversation regarding eating habits, describe much smaller food intake than min is, and have to constantly watch their weights.  But I never have had to.  So really, I think I must have a very fast metabolism, or I would, as Mom said, be as big as a barn.

But now things are slowing down.  I can no longer eat like a horse and maintain my regular not especially thin, but not too heavy, kind of right in the middle size.  It's catching up on me.  And I do think it's still within the idea of reasonable to accustom myself to smaller portions.

So getting back to the first sentence of this post...remember, the one in which I hollered out...STOP...I'm getting back to that point now. 

The other day I described a particular set of weight and household project goals, I called Mary's 28 Day Challenge, that I hope will help me get my life in order. And really, household and weight goals are related.  Did I write that the other day?  (Nope, I just checked back.)  When I am less active, it stands to reason that I will gain weight.  The more I weigh, the harder it is to be active, so I sit more.  Then while sitting more, I begin to feel bad about myself for sitting, and I get a tad bit bored, so I succumb to the munchies.  And that leads,...well...you see where this is going...and going, and going.

So stage one on the meal plan, since we're not going to use the word "diet" is four days of Mary's Modified Grapefruit Diet...oops, there it is again.  I meant to say, Mary's Modified Grapefruit Meal plan.  See, since I'm modifying the plan, I can modify the name, too, right?  I wrote about this last year when I did the same Meal plan.  Basically, it's the grapefruit diet with a few servings of carbs added in, and for a much shorter time then the original.  But this year I've not added many carbs.  I've not felt the need. 

Monday, Day 1, was pretty much normal.  Nothing interesting to report.

Yesterday, Joe made most of the supper.  He baked fish and I steamed some rice.  Joe also made up a very thick chowder featuring shrimp and bacon and scrambled eggs, with a few potatoes and assorted vegetables.  He thickened it with cornstarch, with the idea that those who wanted to could put rice in their bowls or plates and pour the chowder over.  I avoided the rice, and just ate soup and fish.  I did get a few little chunks of potatoes in my soup, and the potato starch in probably a very small amount.  Then I filled up on fish.

This morning, instead of the prescribed two pieces of bacon, I had sausage, since that's what I was making the kids.  I baked the sausage in the oven, patted evenly into a cake pan.  I had some gluten free bread in the freezer, so I let it sit out long enough to slice, then toasted it.  When the sausage was done, I cut it into bread sized chunks.  Joe put a little slather of mayo on each toast slice, and I added the sausage and either a fried egg or a portion of scrambled egg, according to each person's preference.  We also sprinkled a little grated cheese on the sausage before adding the egg.  The cheese felt a little bit indulgent, since the only cheese I happened to have was Fontina.  It seems silly to use it for an everyday breakfast.  It feels like a fancy cheese should be saved for something special.  We also always keep a chunk of Parmesan and another of Asiago on hand for grating, so we put a little of those in the mix, too.  I suppose the Italian cheeses ended up working especially well, since in my bleary-eyed first-thing-in-the-morning fog, I had grabbed the Italian sausage rather than the breakfast sausage from the fridge.

Besides describing the somewhat complicated breakfast I served the kids this morning, there was a point to the description.  I felt as though I needed to explain my excuse for using sausage instead of bacon.  With all the busyness of such a breakfast happening, I didn't feel as though I could handle a totally separate breakfast for myself.  So I planned to just have sausage and eggs.  Somehow, though, I had miscounted, or forgotten not to count myself, or something, when I sliced the bread.  After we had all the bread toasted and the other items layered on, there was one extra.  So I ended up having a thin slice of bread along with my sausage and eggs.  That will be my carbs for the first part of the day.  As part of my modifications to the Grapefruit Diet, I allow myself a little bit of carbs either at morning or noon, and then again at supper, if I feel the need. 

Lunch today will be a salad with vinegar and oil dressing and meat of some sort.  I had a little bit of cheese left from this morning's meal, so I will probably put that on my salad.

All in all, being on day three of the four for the grapefruit meal plan, it's going well.  I feel satisfied after my meals, with maybe just a little hint of emptiness throughout the day.  That's good.  I think it's good to feel a little bit of emptiness.  Then I will more readily appreciate the controlled portions when I shift to stage two of my 28 day challenge.  And if I feel a little bit empty, it gives me that little sense of accomplishment.  I can feel as though I'm getting somewhere.

Here I Come, Again

I'm starting a new plan.  The spring into action plan.  The back in the saddle plan.  I need a boost.  I need something. 

I listen to the commercials on the radio for all the various weight loss plans.  I see various facebook friends post about Advo-Care's 24 day Challenge.  "Might that work for me?" I ask myself.

But I am not the kind of person to spend money on something that I fear would turn out to be a gimmick.  I also instinctively don't think such "programs" are healthful.  And I tend to be of a somewhat anti-diet mentality. 

But something has to change.  I have reached that age at which, as many of my older friends have warned, my weight seems to creep upward no matter how much I exercise or how I try to adjust downward my portion sizes.  It's very frustrating to me.

I also have been struggling all winter with a kind of, somewhat, borderline depression.  I hesitate to write about this, or to use the "D" word.  Such things are all relative.  Different personalities can put up with differing amounts of such lethargy and lack of an kind of motivation or responsible behavior.

I have at various time in my adult life struggled with the blues, or a funk, or whatever.  The worst time, strangely, was the first six months or so after I got married.  Here I was, at what I had thought would be one of the happiest times of my life.  And I was totally out of it.  Wacked out.  Out of my groove.  I went for days without leaving our apartment.  I called in sick to work.  It was difficult for me to find motivation to even shower or brush out my hair (which hair at the time was very long; the large rat's nest was quite frightening some days).  I am sure Joe wondered what he had gotten himself into.  But he never complained.  At least I don't remember him complaining.  Probably he complained inwardly.  I know I would have if the roles had been reversed.

Eventually, I snapped out of it.  Spring came.  I got a new haircut.  I talked to my supervisors at work.  I got myself back on track.  And I began to learn that I don't do transition well. 

Later I struggled quite a bit during and following my eighth pregnancy.  I suffered from extreme fatigue during the pregnancy, and it stuck with me until I was pregnant again.  I felt like I was in a pit, just barely clinging to the edge.  It was altogether strange.  With everything I had going on at the time, I simply attributed the situation to our busy life.  I was homeschooling five kids and had three pre-schoolers.  I was busy with my pastor wife stuff and Sunday School obligations, and whatever else happened along.   My brother-in-law had also died suddenly only two years before, so my husband and his parents were immersed in their own grief, and the busyness of settling his estate.  Although not immediately effected in the same way they were, I was doing what I could to help them get through that time.  Who wouldn't be tired?

But suddenly, after I became pregnant with my ninth child, I felt better.  Just when I thought I would start to feel worse, and was wondering how I and my family could survive when I did, I suddenly felt great.  Even the nurse at the clinic noticed and commented.  She said I had been lacking my usual sparkle for quite some time and that it was good to see it back.  Hmmm.

And again this year I've struggled.  I don't know what the catalyst was. I could think of any number of things, most of which you have read about, if you are a regular reader.  Probably it is just regular life, a few big sadnesses, and age related hormone changes. 

It doesn't really matter, though, what brought it on.  What matters is getting over it.  Getting on with my life.  Finding a way to put one foot in front of the other.  Figuring out something that will give me enough of a boost to get the momentum going.  I am in great need of momentum.  My inertia is very much inclined toward accomplishing nothing, and I need to change that.

I am not sad.  I am, however, somewhat emotional.  I feel lonely, and somewhat obsessive about communicating with friends, virtual or otherwise.  (And your guess is as good as mine how I can feel lonely in a household this busy.)  I lack energy in an extreme way.  I have a hard time seeing any reason to get up and do all the little things I ought to be doing.  I can't concentrate.  When I do start jobs, I don't finish them.  I am tired of the mess.  My kids are tired of it, too.  The younger ones don't notice.  They are still flexible.  But the older ones want their "real mom" back.

It's time to take the bull by the horns and get 'er done.

But how?

Introducing theMom's 28-day challenge:

For 28 days, I am going to control my eating habits.  I have scheduled a couple of times of more formal "dieting" and specific portion sizes for the rest of the time.  I have a certain number of treats or rewards planned and allowed.  Except for the two episodes of brief dieting, these goals are modest.  Reasonable.

I'm also setting a goal of keeping up with a certain short list of basic daily chores such as getting the little ones dressed and teeth brushed; doing dishes, etc.  These are really just the basics, but exactly the things I haven't been able to see the need or find the desire to keep up with.  Sad isn't it?

And I am also going to set weekly goals, one big goal or a grouping of smaller goals, for each week.   Hopefully this will allow me to a few of my bigger things done.

Again, my aim was to set achievable goals.  Baby steps.  It is easy to be too strict, or plan too much.  But I have learned over the years, with my busy home and low energy level, to plan small.  If I plan too much, I set myself up for failure.

This is also where the 28 days comes in.  If things seem hard, or I don't feel like I am getting anywhere, instead of throwing in the towel, I can say, "It's only a few short weeks, Mary.  You can do it."

I'd like your support, too.  I will need all the help I can get.  I am going to be reporting on my progress periodically.  You may get tired of it, but, well, if you do, stop reading.  It's my blog.  But if you can stand to read about the mundanities (is that a word?  It ought to be) of my struggles and successes, please leave me a comment now and then to cheer me on.

And more fun yet, if any of you is interested, please join me.  Come up with your own 28-day challenge, or whatever length of time works for you.  Feel free to leave a comment so we can cheer each other on.

You will also notice I've posted a couple of new tickers.   One is a 10 lb weight loss ticker.  It will actually be for 11 lbs, since I like the idea of a nice and even final number.  I was 1 lb off an even ten this morning, so I'm going with the strange and seemingly arbitrary goal of 11 lbs.   I think I can do that.  But I'm only weighing in on Mondays.  So don't expect that one to change daily.

My other ticker is for my 28 days.  I decided it would be fun to mark off each day of the challenge and watch how the days are counting down.