Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Making Progress ... Reclaiming Life

I want to quickly update everyone a little bit on how my depression thing is doing.  Oh, my goodness!  I feel so much better than I did a few months ago.

After finally admitting I would benefit from some sort of medicinal intervention, I began taking Prozac.  After I started taking it, noticing any initial change was a gradual thing.  The first thing I noticed, was a little pulse of life now and then.  It seems somewhat pathetic, looking back.  I can remember thinking things like, "Oh, this is what alive feels like."  Or "Wow, I feel awake and tuned in!"  Just a little pulse of life now and then.  It was a strange sensation after the months of feeling nothing much at all.  At first, these moments came as a shock and were brief in duration.

But gradually, without me even noticing, I have continued to improve.  Over this last weekend, I realized that I am now probably at about 70%.  I still have a few low days.  When I've been especially busy, or not taken my vitamins faithfully, or gotten off schedule with my prozac, I notice a difference.  I also still have times each day during which I just need to tune out.  And there are also times when the enjoyment I'm now generally feeling, might not be quite as acute as I can remember it being in days gone by.  But all in all, I am doing very well as far as the feeling alive part of this strange and unusual journey goes.

As far as energy level goes, my progress is slower, but coming along a little at a time.  I was beginning to get frustrated, pining for a bigger improvement than I was seeing.  In this regard, up until the last week or so, I would have said I was at only about 30%.  Which, I might add, is still a great improvement over where I had been.  I reminded myself often to be glad for the little improvements.  But I was frustrated, none-the-less.

This week, however, I've noticed a larger jump in energy.  I might even be approaching 50%.  I've gotten some laundry done and folded and put away.  Several loads a day, lately.  I've been more organized with meals, and once again doing a little planning and pre-mixing.  I've done a little re-organizing in my kitchen cupboards after the months of kids mostly handling things on their own.  I've gotten the living room and a chunk of the hallway picked up.  These are all with the help of the kids, of course.  I've also been more consistent and in control with the the kids, and their chores, responsibilities, and behavior.  I've worked outside several days.  I work for a little while here and there, and then I sit for a little while.

And we've gone on several outings.

That last, the outings, seems like it ought to be no big deal.  Outings are fun and refreshing and for leisure.  But that was one thing that was just plain too much for me during the last year or so.  We did take a vacation last summer, and again over Christmas we went to see my dad who is ailing.  But those two trips really did me in.  And after that, especially after Christmas, planning even a trip to town to get groceries was overwhelming.  Going with Joe to the circuit pastors' meeting once a month to visit with the other wives and families, felt immense.   Any activity whatsoever felt much too big for me to undertake.  And when I did try to do something, when I forced myself to exert the effort, I might need several days of recovery before I felt normal (which wasn't even nearly a real normal).

So, to be able to say that we've had several outings in the last couple of weeks, and that I'm still on higher energy is big.


I am happy, oh, so very thankful, to be seeing and feeling this improvement.  It is wonderful.  Rejoice with me, my friends, and praise our Heavenly Father for His abundant grace and providence and love!


Marge said...

Rejoicing and praising!

rapitt said...

This makes me happy...I had to tell you how wonderful the medicines are, that God has given us...the knowledge to make them and use them.

theMom said...

Thank you both, Marge and RaeAnn, for sharing in my joy. It is wonderful to feel alive again. Wonderful!

But more wonderful yet, to know that even when I felt almost nothing at all, God was there, carrying me along, and forgiving all my brokenness, and granting me peace and healing me according to His wisdom and timing.

Momma Faugstad said...

Thank you for sharing. You are an inspiration for all of us. I feel so blessed to have you as a friend. Looking forward to seeing you soon!!

theMom said...

Thanks, Marlene. You are sweet. I, too,am looking forward to getting together soon.