The Tale of the Run-away Pants

It happened once in a a land far away that a busy, stay-at-home mom indulged herself by purchasing, (brand spanking new, even) a pair of black dress pants.  This pair of pants, a small thing to some, helped boost her spirits at a difficult time.  On several occasions, she even got compliments (!!!) on her looks while wearing them.

School conferences, school programs, funerals, even evening church services ... This busy stay at home Mom no longer had to choose between a skirt or her grubby stay-at-home-mom-jeans.  She finally had something in-between to wear for those in-between occasions.  A strange and unusual phenomenon. 

And so she wore those pants. 

About five times.

Until they disappeared.  Really.  Poof they were gone.

Poor woman  No more in-between outfit.  No more compliments.

But summer was coming on, which meant several things for this woman.  The warmer weather and end of the school year meant fewer in-between occasion.  The summer vacation from school and the family's outdoor work and pleasure meant piles of laundry backing up inside.

"When I catch up on all those piles of laundry," thought the tragic heroine, "I'll surely find those naughty pants."

But alas!  Fall came and with it a return to normal schedules and normal household routine.  The laundry heaps slowing disappeared.  But the pants did not return.  They had apparently run off to seek their fortune in a new locale. 

And so the poor, busy, stay-at-home-mom spent another winter attending various in-between type functions either over- or under-dressed.

Until day by day, snowstorm by snowstorm, throughout the cold and blustery weather, the winter passed.  Slowly the days lengthened.  Slowly the temperatures warmed and the snows receded.

Finally, when spring was fully come, the woman spent a frightening and somewhat dangerous week helping her nearly grown son clean his room before he left home to join the military.  Oh, the things she found!  The monsters that reared their ugly heads from the canyons and mountains of her son's room!

In one of the deep, dark recesses of the room, while fighting dragons and saving the local maidens, her son happened upon the missing pants. 

Together with her son, the mother rejoiced in this happy event.  Parties were thrown.  That which was lost had been found!

Throughout the summer months, this mom wore her pants.  Not often, since the summer days and schedule were upon her.  She looked forward with pleasure to the coming fall and winter in-between occasions when she could again wear her nice dress pants and get compliments on her looks. 

But before those days came, those vexing pants once again ran off.  They were nowhere to be found.  The laundry heaps disappeared.  The rooms were cleaned.  All the usual hiding places were examined.  But to no avail!  The mom even braved the not quite so deep, dark and daunting mountains and canyons that had again begun creeping into her son's room.  Just in case those pants were drawn back to their previous abode.

So once again, the tragic heroine spent another fall and winter attending various in between type functions either over- or under-dressed.  Poor, poor woman.

But day by day, snowstorm by snowstorm, throughout the cold and blustery weather, the winter passed.  Slowly the days lengthened.  Slowly the temperatures warmed and the snows receded.

When spring was fully come, the woman's husband spent a frightening and somewhat dangerous afternoon cleaning his dresser drawers to make room for all the folded clothing his wife had despaired of putting away for lack of space.  Oh, the things he found!  The monsters that reared their ugly heads from the canyons and mountains of his dresser drawers!

Until finally, in one of the deep, dark recesses of the dresser, while fighting dragons and saving the local maidens, her husband happened upon the missing pants.  And wonder of wonder, the black pants had with them a pair of khaki pants.  Being of a slightly smaller size, these khaki pants had not been missed by the busy (and somewhat overweight) woman.

And so the woman rejoiced once again.  Parties were thrown.  That which was lost had once again been found! 

But alas!  The woman was hesitant to even try on the black pants for fear they would no longer fit.  And so her joy was tempered with sadness and frustration.

The moral of this story?  Don't buy new pants.  Even if you like the compliments.  They are crafty beings who tend to run off and hide for months at a time.

Afterword:  The return of the pants might be just the thing this poor, busy, stay at home mom needs to get herself in gear to lose those extra pounds she's carrying around.  Perhaps by fall, when once again the in-between occasions show up on the schedule, perhaps by then, our tragic heroine can once again wear her in-between pants and get compliments on her looks.