Friday, April 15, 2011

Eternal Promises amid Spiritual Battles

This is the day that the Lord has made. 
Let us rejoice and be glad in it. 
Ps. 118:24

This is a somewhat strange post compared to my normal scrivenings. Sinful nature is strange, but we are all stuck with it. I couldn't sleep last night and felt especially plagued by my sinful nature. In the hopes that perhaps it will help someone else who feels the same, I'm going to write about it. It's kind of a free form piece to portray my thoughts and feelings at the time, followed by the resolution I found by morning light.

In my insomnia last night I was chasing myself around the labyrinth of my sinful nature. Lots of doubts and confusion. I felt as though I was the ONLY one in the whole world who had such an evil sinfulness lurking beneath my conscious mind. And that everywhere I turned, it was there, fear and uncertainty, and feelings of failure and inadequacy.

Failure was the big goblin for me last night. I feel as though I will never be a good housekeeper. Truth be told, I'll probably never even be an adequate housekeeper.   If I can get the basics done, food and clothes and shelter, that's about all I can hope for from myself.   I get distracted with one unimportant project after another. And then, "Oops! there went another day."

I used to say I would never live in the land of "someday."  Someday I will do this, or someday we'll be able to go there, or have this, or someday I'll get this done or that done...

I must be the worst person in the world.  I only live in somedayland.

Why don't I just take the bull by the horns and accomplish some of these many things that I leave for that illusive someday.

Someday and Never.  Twists and Turns.  Lazy or Busy.  Around and Around.

My rational self knows Satan's accusations are not true, but there I was last night stuck in the labyrinth of my own making. Turning and Turning. Around and Around. I felt mentally ill.  It felt as though I was holding at bay all my craziness, just by pretending to go through real life each day. And if I stopped to look into all the dark passages, there was craziness and instability each direction.

I feel better today, but that's because the ghosts and demons of the night are held at bay, once again. Or is denial the only thing that keeps anyone from being crazy. Are we all just playing along each day, pretending to be sane?

Are you worried about me yet?

Don't be.

It's all part of our Christian walk in this vale of tears.   The reality is that Satan and his minions are truly stalking us, tempting us, trying to draw us away from the promises of our Heavenly Father.  Promises of His love for us.  Of our value as His adopted sons and daughters.  Promises of our righteousness before Him.

The spiritual stalkers are real, but how much more so is our Father's love and faithfulness.

For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, 
nor angels nor principalities nor powers, 
nor things present nor things to come, 
nor height nor depth, 
nor any other created thing, 
shall be able to separate us 
from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord. 
Romans 8:28


maryann sprauer said...

Oh maryAlice, just found your blog and can relate 100%. You are truly an inspiration to raggedy old grannies!

theMom said...

Hi MaryAnn,

I'm glad you like it. I like to write. When I started it, Joe encouraged me to write for myself and not worry about whether others will "like"it. I try to keep that in mind, but it's always nice when somebody else can appreciate what I'm saying.

Have a blessed Holy Week and Happy Easter.